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The physios gathered their professional dignity and tried not to join in.

‘Get lost, Snafu.’

‘Go away! Aren’t you supposed to be on the triceps press?’

He was utterly persistent. ‘No, you have to tell me. How much?’

Eventually, casting their eyes around to make sure no NHS suits with clipboards were lurking, the physios played his game.

‘Four million,’ said one.

‘At least. Because my career would be finished if I was found out.’

‘Six million.’

‘I wouldn’t do it.’ A humourless junior physiotherapist on rotation in spinal.

His eyes lighted wickedly on me, purple-faced, toppled helplessly over my own knees. ‘Hey Mel, what would you charge?’

I was flattered to be asked. He tolerated me, just about, as a mate, although his banter was brutal – I was as old as his granny, plus he’d decided I was officer class. I’d been a horse rider, after all, and he’d found out my house had an orchard – so in the gym he loudly dubbed me a caviar-eating snob. In private, when he found me in tears, he was kindness itself. He was a year younger than my own son.