Читать книгу I Am Nobody. Confronting the Sexually Abusive Coach Who Stole My Life онлайн

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And I still had him, his interest and his support. In poker parlance, he was now all in with me. All in.

Me? Who was I? I had no idea. I thought I did, but not anymore.

Me, that teenaged kid, lost, all by himself?

I, as I had known myself, had ceased to exist.

I was now nobody at all.

FOUR

TRAPPED

I WENT BACK TO him—and hated myself for it. Part of me knew I should run away from him, but the rest of me knew I needed to go back and stay with him because my dreams depended on him. I couldn’t run away, because I was locked inside a reality established and controlled by him. I had no ability to step back and rationally assess the situation.

Why couldn’t I run? Why couldn’t I just end it? The one truly at risk if our secret ever came out wasn’t me but Graham. He was the adult, he was the teacher, he was the hockey coach, he had everything to lose. It should have been easy for me to tell somebody what had happened, right? It should have been a no-brainer to go to my parents, to a teacher, to my coaches, to anybody, and let somebody know what Graham had done, right?