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By the way my best friend Alice who I happened to work with had the same feelings, adding also her continuously state of being severely ill, that’s why I always tried to be for her anytime she needed as I was worried about her. Nevertheless everything had its limits and one day I collapsed writing her that I neither doing well and it steamed into this:

“I have been reflecting all day today, okay more crying than reflecting but still. I realized that only we were capable ourselves to get out from this vortex of problems, this gap of darkness, because nobody will understand what is happening inside, even the most close ones. They have never faced something of the kind. When we needed each other we weren’t together as nobody of us wanted to put the weight of her problems onto the other and it was kind of embarrassing to talk. And now this lump of silence is trying to get out but doesn’t want to be released grabbing into itself more and more hardships and problems, it is so strong that you wish to switch off your emotions, feeling, and humanity. This time I intend that we are for each other, yes, it won’t be easy but we will be together. Hence stop apologizing to me for everything you say, for expressing your true feelings, I want you to tell me all your inner state, your perceptions, experiences, no matter how dumb or absurd it is going to sound. I have been staring at our photo for ages today and I have recollected that day in details, what we were doing, what we were telling each other, what pancakes you were eating, what you were wearing and then how we took pictures and then divided them between ourselves and what you gave me inasmuch as it was my birthday. Only seven months passed since the time we’d got acquainted and I figured out that together we could do anything, survive whatever happening in the world. No matter how we don’t want it and how we are ready to throw in the tunnel, but we must remind each other how strong we are even if it is going to annoy us. I express all my gratitude in your regards for that I have you in my life and I love you very much. So, if we lose ourselves at this time and space, everything will die around us, we will be like wandering aimless ghosts which stuck between worlds and I don’t want it.”