Читать книгу Unspoken words онлайн

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When I was a child first years of our mutual habitation made me believe that he was going to change, that he would become the man my mother had loved once and he did some steps towards his rehabilitation. But nothing apprised improvement, he was getting worse with each event happening in his life that the drinking became a weekly habit. I regarded him as abominable stuff, I branded him as the most perfidious person in my life who I was not actually afraid of wishing to die to, I desired for his complete dismay, failure in everything he was doing and most importantly my mum leaving him for good. Every time they had arguments, the threats of divorcement jumped out of the box, they were so juicy for me, that I used to gloat such moments and rewind them in my head every single moment I had in possession.

Anyway no expectations of mine came to the reality. Most of the times I just wished either were dead or had escaped there where I could have been truly happy and my mum wouldn’t have got all these torment moments of life with only short interludes of happiness, she didn’t deserve it. But what could a ten year old child do? When she herself desired to be protected, contriving the impossible ways out in her head and trying to imagine that one day a person would come and save her from the hardiness of life. That was how I started to develop a habit of seeing the only solution in other people, it was how my attachment to other human beings began to form.