Читать книгу The World I Fell Out Of онлайн

18 страница из 98

It was in the scanner, though, that I had an epiphany. So weird was this experience, so unimaginable was it, at the cutting edge of catastrophe, immured like a mummy in a high-tech tube, that I suddenly thought – I’ve got to tell people about this, I’ve got to write about it. It’s just so interesting. Who knew? On reflection, that point of deliberate detachment from myself was hugely important. It was self-preservation: a way of ensuring I kept control of my emotions. Steel shutters were clanging down in my head: I dared not even think about my son, just emerging from his teenage years, or of my sorry future. But I could safely bear witness and carry on writing in my head. A correspondent from a hidden war.

Another fragment of memory. A consultant came to talk to us. He was an orthopaedic surgeon, the director of the spinal unit. He placed one fist on top of the other, upwards, in a tower, like the playground game one-potato-two-potatoes, little fingers of one hand resting on the clenched thumb of the other. ‘Horses, eh?’ he said. ‘Used to keep them myself. Dangerous things.’ He seemed almost cheerful, as if I was more satisfying than a road accident. ‘You have fractured your spine at T12,’ he said, ‘but that’s not so important. You have broken your neck at C6; the two vertebrae have gone like this’ – he angled his fists, bending the tower in half, ‘and compressed the spinal cord on one side and stretched it on the other. That’s where the damage is.’