Читать книгу I Am Nobody. Confronting the Sexually Abusive Coach Who Stole My Life онлайн

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He moved slowly up my legs, never saying a word. I kept my own eyes shut as much as I could after seeing those eyes. They scared me. But it was too late. I had seen his eyes, the dead eyes, and they would be with me for the rest of my life.

I had no idea what was happening. I mean, I knew exactly what was happening, but I had no idea what was happening.

Where is this coming from? Why am I not pushing him away? What should I do? What could I do? Why is my body responding? I must want this. I must like this. This must be who I am. I have to get out of here. But what will he do? What will he say? What will I do? Who will believe me? How do I explain why I was with him? How do I explain all of the meetings I’ve had with him for months? Who can I speak to who will understand? How do I make this go away? Why am I responding? Why is my body responding? Why can’t I stop responding? Why can’t I say anything? Why can’t I stop him? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

It all happened in utter silence. There was a radio on, no doubt to muffle sounds, but I could no longer hear a thing. All I could hear was the blood pumping through my temples, pounding in my ears, the sensation of being removed from the world around me and locked in my own space. At least, that’s how I remember it. Or maybe that memory came from the hundreds, if not thousands, of nightmares I’ve had ever since. What I know with absolute certainty is that I couldn’t hear a thing.